A Time to Be Silent: Learning from Job's Friends

In the famous words of Ecclesiastes, we're reminded that "to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1. And among those times, as verse 7 puts it, there's "a time to keep silence, and a time to speak."

One of the most powerful biblical examples of silence comes from the friends of Job. When they heard of his suffering, they came to him and sat in his presence for seven days. Job 2:13 We read, "So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great."

What a profound act of empathy! For a week, they simply bore witness to his pain, offering a silent, comforting presence. However, after those seven days, their patience seemed to wear thin very quickly. This shift occurred because when Job finally did speak, his words weren't palatable, they were raw.

Job, in his deep agony, cursed the day he was born:

May the day perish on which I was born, and the night in which it was said, ‘A male child is conceived.’ Job 3:3

He spoke of his immense sorrow and misery, wishing he had died rather than enduring such suffering. It's a raw, emotional outpouring.

This presents a critical lesson: there's absolutely a time to challenge our brothers and sisters, to speak truth. But there's also a crucial time to simply let them voice their grief, to pour out the depth of their complaint. And this is exactly what Job later chastises his friends for.

In chapter 6, as he replies to Eliphaz the Temanite, who has started to rebuke him, Job says:

Oh that my grief were fully weighed, and my calamity laid with it on the scales! For then it would be heavier than the sand of the sea; therefore my words have been rash. Job 6:2-3

Who among us would deny Job this? The ability to utter some rash words to get things off his chest? He was experiencing unimaginable torment. He continues, explaining the source of his anguish:

For the arrows of the Almighty are within me; my spirit drinks their poison; the terrors of God are arrayed against me. Job 6:4

Job's troubles were so immense that, at this stage, he was merely verbalizing his distress. He desperately needed help and comfort from his friends. Instead, they took his words literally and began to rebuke him for them. Job's response, in essence, was: "Is it any wonder I'm speaking like this?"

He uses a vivid analogy:

Does the wild donkey bray when it has grass? Job 6:5

His point is clear: if he were content and satisfied, he wouldn't be braying like a donkey. Even a donkey, once it has grass, stops its braying. His suffering was causing his outcry. And so, sometimes, we need to allow others to "bray."

Job himself admitted his words were rash Job 6:3. And this brings us back to the wisdom of Ecclesiastes. We need to discern when it's time to speak and when it's time to simply listen, allowing someone to vent their frustrations freely.

Job sums it up powerfully in his continued response to his friends:

How forceful are right words! But what does your arguing prove? Do you intend to rebuke my words, and the speeches of a desperate one, which are as wind? Job 6:25-26

His friend Eliphaz, with all his "right words," missed the mark because he failed to understand the depth of Job's desperation. May we learn from his example, and be friends who know when to speak "right words", and when to simply bite our tongue.